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Why men should be feminists too (written by a man!)

There are a lot of common misunderstandings around feminism, and it can be easy to assume that feminism is all about empowering women and taking something away from men. Buttrue feminism is all about equality, no matter the gender involved, and men can be empowered by this reconsideration of gender roles too. 

So, writing from the point of view of a man myself, here are just a few of the reasons why I think men should be feminists too. 


Because feminism means equality

Don’t believe the anti-feminist propaganda – feminism isn’t about taking rights away from men, or about making women the “superior” sex. Feminism just means equality, for all genders, and men have nothing to be afraid of here. Recognising male privilege doesn’t have to be scary, and it doesn’t mean that we have to spend our lives apologising for everything we do (as some men might assume it does). Instead, it’s about acknowledging the unavoidable privilege we have benefited from, and supporting the vision of a more equal society.

It’s important to note here that male privilege does not mean we don’t have any problems of our own to contend with. Far from it – men have a host of difficulties to deal with in the 21st century, from forging a career to getting on the property ladder. You may feel that you, as an individual man, have not benefited from any kind of patriarchal advantage in life – you may be struggling to support your family, for example, and resent any implication that you’re an elite. And this is all fair enough – these are problems that need to be addressed by society too.

But feminism is not about an individual situation, but collective society as a whole. Believe it or not, women have an even greater series of obstacles they need to overcome – as well as the existing societal problems that men have to contend with, women have to deal with sexism on top of everything else. From unequal pay and everyday sexism, to domestic abuse andperiod poverty, women have a lot to deal with. 

Men have it tough in many ways, but women have an extra load to bear. Male privilege does not mean that men live in mansions made of gold – perhaps the word “privilege” has too many unhelpful connotations here. But it does mean that men have the “privilege” of not having to deal with the ingrained, systemic sexism that still has a dramatic affect on women’s lives.


New gender roles are a good thing for men, too

Although there are enough reasons for men to be feminists without taking self-interest into account – we should all want equality for all, no matter their gender – there are other positives for men that are often forgotten about. Let’s take gender roles as an example.

Many anti-feminists fear the erosion of traditional gender roles – they might subscribe to the idea of “separate spheres”; with the man’s sphere commonly associated with work and the woman’s sphere being associated with homemaking. Many mistakenly associate the separation of gender roles with the success of society, and fear change. But one counterfactual they should consider here is what about all the women who didn’t have the chance to pursue their own fields of professional interest in the past? The potential cost to society is unknown, and undoubtedly dramatic. For most of human history, we have been neglecting the intellects of half of our species. We’re only just catching up now.


Men can be liberated by the dissolution of such strict, traditional gender roles too. Toxic masculinity is a real issue – and as a man, I know how ingrained this is in society. Almost subconsciously, I have felt the pressure to “be a man” – to be strong, and suppress my emotions. It hardly needs saying that this is a disaster formen’s mental health

You’ll undoubtedly be familiar with the grim statistics by now. Men are less likely to open up about their mental health – we bottle up our emotions, perhaps because we’re afraid of appearing weak and vulnerable, and so dedicated to maintaining the traditional idea of a “strong man”. But emotions don’t simply disappear, and if they’re bottled up without release this can cause significant damage to our mental health.

Men need to open up about their vulnerability more. Instead of seeing this as a weakness, we need to recognise that opening up about our vulnerability actually takes a great amount of strength, bravery, and honesty. There is no reason to be ashamed – and ironically, in order to be the strong male figure we are all programmed to model ourselves on, we need to address our vulnerabilities rather than repress them. We can’t be there for other people if we’re not there for ourselves. 

Men should be feminists because feminism frees us, too. It frees us from the choking hold of a damaging identity that has been forced onto us for generations. It’s time to break free, and be ourselves – in a society that treats everyone equally, no matter their gender. 

13 Responses

Naveel

Naveel

October 22, 2024

Feminists love pushing the idea that feminism is a movement that can help men.
Everytime a feminist claims that, the ways they mention are the destruction of the patriarchy (that doesn’t help men at all) and by redefining masculinity and male friendships (which paints men and mens socialization as toxic).
Thank you for explicitly saying that feminism is about side-lining individual men’s issues for the sake of benefiting women in the system. Thank you for not pretending that this is a movement for men too.
I can now happily tell my boys to ignore feminism and I can help them focus on their own struggles.

Laura U.

Laura U.

September 24, 2024

Replying to Hoppy Bunny here,
I highly disagree with your standpoint. We talked about your comment in English class (German Highschool, 12th grade) and every single one of the students shared the same opinion as me.
Not only do you not give ANY actual evidence to your very blunt statements, you clearly did not even read the original post, or atleat chose to completly ignore anything said in it.
To the last part you mentioned; of course women are forced to use things invented by men!
(Though women invented more than you probably are aware of..) Why? because they weren‘t given the chance. Women‘s rights as we know them haven‘t been a thing even 100 years ago, and still aren‘t given in many parts of the world. Women did not have literal centuries to take part in society like men did, because they were majorly oppressed by them!
To me, you just sound like a pissed off incel who just got rejected by another woman.
If you like men so much, why don‘t you just date them instead? (:

Go back to 4chan

Nelson Hernandez

Nelson Hernandez

August 23, 2024

What a crock of shit. Society doesn’t care about equality and women themselves do not subscribe to feminism when it doesn’t suit them. How do we know? Because todays modern women expresses how she would like to be empowered and at the same time expect men to fulfill a traditional role.

This just shows that you will be in the friend zone forever.

Joe Confer

Joe Confer

June 14, 2024

Feminism is not bad or wrong. I was treated very badly by women for many years of my life. The abuse I went through with woman from early childhood to older age. I don’t feel that all woman are bad nor do I feel that all men are bad. I believe that we all have issues in our lives that are hurtful and can make us as a whole resentful towards one another.

I know for many years I carried much anger towards what woman have done to me in the past. But I. The same token I can’t hold every woman accountable to what a few woman did to me. Just as my wife should not hold every man accountable too what happened to her. We have all at some point I our lives been hurt by the other sex.

As we grow up and become men and woman, I believe we tend to carry hurt and pain with us into our romantic relationships. I know for me that I carried lots of pain inside of me from what woman have done to me In the past. I have three boys, and I don’t ever want to taint there lives with what I went through with woman in my life.

I don’t believe In hurting woman I. Any way shape or form. Have I hurt woman in my romantic relationships? Yes I have and any man that says he hasn’t at some point hurt a woman are just liars. I don’t mean that it has to be physical hurt. What U mean is emotional hurt. I have called woman all kinds of nasty things in the past. I have hurt my wife unintentionally because of my hurt and pain that I went through as a child and a young man. I am 51 years old and my wife is 40 years old. We have been together for almost 13 years. It truly has been the best 13 years of my life. It has been challenging and difficult at times like any relationship. My wife and I have hurt each other many times over. Does this mean I don’t respect and live my wife with all of my heart. No it doesn’t, I have the greatest respect for my wife and who she is as a woman. She has taught me many things he about the way woman think and what woman have to endure everyday. She has taught me that even when I’m angry I should never hurt woman and she should never hurt men. She has helped me to understand that the words that us men say that we do t think is wrong to say or unintentionally say can be extremely hurtful. She gets upset with me when I make a comment, not meant to intentionally hurt her or any woman but how woman have been hurt by these words. I made a comment the other day when playing a video game with our teenage son. I said why are to hurting that female we don’t hurt females. I said it in a what I thought was an incident comment. Turned out that saying we don’t hurt females can be construed as a derogatory term. I understand now why she felt that way. All I can do is realize that making comments like this is wrong and hurtful. I will do better in how I comment on woman. I live my wife very much. I don’t think she is wrong and I will do better with communicating more positive things to our boys.

I do believe in equality for all. U do and have always felt that every human being should be treated the same and not differently due to there sex. I proudly stand behind feminism. I will continue to strive to do better and be better not only for my wife and I but also for our boys.

Merran

Merran

June 14, 2024

Hi there,

Firstly, I greatly appreciate reading an article by a man encouraging other men to be feminists. It is also interesting that the encouragement comes through, showing the personal benefits it has on a man’s life. Yes, I understand it’s human nature to feel the need to see some self-benefit to be motivated to support a cause that doesn’t directly affect us. However, I believe the primary focus needs to be on “we should all be feminists because women are being harmed in x,yz, ways.” However, I suppose at the end of the day, whatever motivates men to become feminists is great.

Sarika Sinha

Sarika Sinha

April 23, 2024

Thank you for your courage to write this! As a feminist (woman), I appreciate the honesty and respect the analysis of your lived experience. It is very contextual and very personal and should not be judged. As a partner, a sister, a friend, a daughter and a mother of man/men, I hear and understand what you say.

Kudos!

Hoppy Bunny

Hoppy Bunny

September 26, 2023

Since female feminist assert that they and only they, possess an exclusive monopoly on all higher morality and ethics, and feminists insist they and only they, are uniquely qualified to determine, define and judge the lived experiences of all men, more than the men living their experiences…

…feminism as an ideology only imposes equality as a theory, but observably not in practice. Instead virtually every feminist, takes eager part in public man bashing, expressing condemnation and contempt for men, is preoccupied with persecuting and prosecuting men. You will have read nor seen a feminist of prominence equally mention male achievement nor accomplishments in society, nor credit men with a single historical role in evolving society for the better. Feminist are impossible to engage with in any meaningful forum that points out their vast hypocrisies, misandry and anti-male ideals.

It’s simply easier to label any man unwilling to suspend critical thinking, and unquestioned deference to feminism as an incel, misogynist, or other blanket terminology of character assassination.

Feminist frequently judge all men guilty upon any accusations and is indifferent to any possibilty or discovery that he may be innocent, therefore feminist do not support social or legal due process for men, again this is easy to objectively observe.

Feminism sees men and straight male identity in literally one dimension without acknowledgement that men as a gender are complex, nuanced and contrary to frequent feminist commentary, very distinct, different and possess several group and personal perspectives. Feminist insists on grouping all straight men as “the problem” and you will not have heard or seen a feminist mention female culpability or female expressions of transgression collectively or individually. In all cases of known female crimes high and low, (particularly against men) feminist either ignore, or dismiss it with blanket vague rationalizations, or turn the catalyst for female against male violence or other crimes back to blaming men.

Even the concept of “patriarchy” and “misogyny” is constructed by feminists to mean and be anything not mindlessly deferential to a singular deference to women along with participation in demeaning and deriding men as the only acceptable practice for what defines social progress.

Feminist solution to almost every issue involving men can be summed up as an analogy. Men believe if an arm has an itch, scratch the itch, feminist believe if an arm has an itch, cut off the whole arm. When the definition of misogyny is anything and everything, then as feminists eagerly apply, there is no need for examination, self-reflection or introspection, just unending caustic judgement.

In the end, feminism is a social political ideology of dark ages judgement, essentially no different than the authoritarian practices affirming the very bigotries and prejudices or early 29thbcentury racists\eugenicists, the medieval Catholic church, or the National Socialists of 1936 Germany by analogous comparison.

Feminist can be observed taking distinct pleasure in male physical and psychological suffering, is completely dismissive of men’s issues that are the result of some female contribution.

Finally, over 90% of men are completely invisible to feminists, they have no interest or inclination to examine the lives of men mainly responsible for creating and maintaining all the practical scientific, engineering, brick laying, construction of highways, waste disposal central air and heating or the millions of working men in occupations they look down upon and sneer at, yet have no problem entering a conference hall constructed by mostly men, to enter a large room our together by men of which she arrived in a luxury vehicle made mainly by men with petrol supplied by mostly men at oil rigs, to drive in a road made possible by male road crews to luxuriate in central air and heating installed likely by a man, to continue her feminist conviction laughingly to the spoiled hyper-privileged feminist women in the audience that all they need to know about men is a reductionist centralizing of all male endeavor and beliefs is exclusively embodied in rape, oppression and abuse. While also maintaining men as a gender is useless, inferior and not needed.

pip

pip

August 31, 2023

Was a male feminist and none of these are helpful for men. I’ve received nothing but abuse from feminists they’re not interested in equality and just treat men like atm’s the movement is nothing but misandry full on man hating and bitterness. I was raised from being a child to be a feminist 30 years a complete and utter joke they use you and laugh at you behind your back they’re not as bad as men who beat their wives they’re Worse

Fuck feminism

Fuck feminism

August 16, 2023

Men needs feminism like fish needs bicycles.

e.g. alex smith

e.g. alex smith

May 22, 2023

the comments say it all… backward people.

‘your comment makes straight men look bad’ – I think straight men are doing that all by themselves and have been for millennia. “Xena” – I hope you’ve put the same amount of effort into criticising men who are misogynistic. oh you haven’t? what a surprise.

Sean

Sean

January 16, 2023

You contradict yourself. One minute you say feminism isn’t about individuals. The next you assert that new roles benefit individuals.
Xena

Xena

January 02, 2023

A man doesn’t have to be gay to support equality of the sexes if he has any sense of fairness and humanity. Your comment makes straight men look bad.

You're gay

You're gay

October 20, 2022

Feminism is for women and gay men.

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