I was looking forward to writing this article. I was looking forward to being honest, transparent and talking without any taboos about women's pleasure. Then I remembered that my father in law reads my newsletters and blogs and sometimes even leaves a nice message in the family Whatsapp group (Hi Malachy!). So, putting that thought aside as much as possible, I am going to be truthful with myself and write with complete freedom. Ready?
I have heard so many things about OMGyes, mostly positive. Anything that Emma Watson recommends with such passion is feminist approved for me, but I didn't know much more.
So for all of you not entirely familiar with what it is, OMGyes is an educational website that's the result of over 20,000 interviews with women 18 to 95 about their sexual pleasure. The whole project has been carried out in collaboration with Indiana University and The Kinsey Institute researchers.
Each Season is a one-time payment that grants you access to that content forever, kind of like you're buying a book. When new Seasons come out, that would be an optional payment if you'd like to own that content". For each of the different techniques (tapping, edging, rhythm, layering and much more) it includes different data, graphics, tips and videos of women talking about the method and then showing you how they do it. All so you can try it on yourself and have pleasant new experiences. Also, if you don't have a vulva handy, there are interactive videos that allow you to practice on screen.
Before trying it, Ii was thinking along the lines of: "to be honest, I barely have the time or the energy to do what I already know that I like, so the last thing I want is homework". I was generally very satisfied and felt like I knew my body enough. "This works for me", "this not so much", "I can't be bothered to take off my clothes after a long day, can we watch Netflix instead?" and then the classic "Actually that was lovely, we should do this more often". By the way, anyone else fascinated by how just after an orgasm the idea of having sex more often seems fantastic and realistic, yet, in reality, in the days after sex is always mercilessly beaten by the option of being a bag of potatoes in the sofa covered by a blanket?
Anyway. My problem wasn't (I promise) that I didn't know what I liked or that I was a prude; I had the satisfying sexual life of any mum of 2 small kids in a 10-year relationship. And from another sexually satisfied mother within a happy relationship came the advice to give OMGyes a go, and we all know that friends are the real influencers, so I went for it.
And... It is great, so it is!
Everything about it is worth shouting about, so I am going to list my favourite things.
- The money of the subscription goes to more research, they have done a second season and are working on a third (about sexual toys), and they have lined up other critical investigations such as pleasure after trauma, trans pleasure, or during menopause. Also, they are working on one for men, but I thought their approach to other communities that get slim to none attention sexually speaking is very interesting.
- There is no shame or taboo and everything is natural and useful. It feels like a really open (maybe drunk) conversation with a friend about sex (minus the hands-on demonstrations). Of course, depending on where you are from, you might not have those kinds of friends or conversations, so this makes OMGyes even more valuable.
- It Is not intended to be sexy; the videos don't try to turn you on. It is not porn for women. It is a didactic data-based, friendly tool with well-described techniques and tips from women to women (basically pure feminism applied to orgasms).
- There are videos. Of vulvas. And I don't know about you, but I don't see many vulvas, and I have to admit that it shocked me. It surprised me how different they all are (of course I knew that but because I don't see them I wasn't THAT aware). It made me sad how little we talk about it, and how interiorised the shame is and the discomfort even within open-minded people. It made me want to shout "hell yes" to all those women who masturbated in front of the camera and shared their secrets so the rest of us can have better orgasms. Thank you.
- It was me-time. It was our time as a couple to be 100% focused on ME. To be fair, this is something that Chris regularly offers but then you all know how it is: you feel somehow that you have to return the favour (even if you are told that you don't) and it takes away from it all. With OMGyes, we made the solemn promise of making it all about me; after all, it was work! And it has been great to be indulged. Watching the videos, experimenting, with no pressure on the techniques working or not, and adding the favourites to our tool kit, sometimes with genuine surprise "Oh fuck, I liked that after all, who would have thought".
- I had some of the bests orgasms I have ever had. #truefact
- It has got us together, a thing we are doing not because there is stuff in our sexual life to fix, but because it is always good knowing that you are making the most of everything in your relationship and your life. Because who doesn't want an upgrade even if they are happy with this version? Especially when the whole process of upgrading is so fun!
- It is intersectional, and it is empowering. Women of different ages, colours, sizes participated in this study because they care about women's pleasure, about the taboo and lack of awareness. Because we have each other's back, and we can (also) change the world one good orgasm at a time!
- I loved the vibe of sharing and respecting, the feeling of having a whole community reminding you that you deserve the best orgasms, that women's pleasure is not dirty. I left every night very satisfied (pun intended) feeling that this too is part of all the mini women's revolutions happening at the same time - unlearning, relearning and demanding what always should have been ours. This also is part of the feminism I believe in.
So, I want to publicly thank my friend who told me to give it a go and, please, let me be that friend for you. Check their website, read a bit more and get ready to touch yourself (or get someone else to do it) and learn more about what you like. And don't see it as a fixer but as an enhancer, a hell of a feminist enhancer.
If you liked this article, check out this one: unlearning these myths about female masturbation