So excited to interview the amazing Jo-Ann Finkelstein, author of Sexism and sensibility a brilliant parenting book to raise confident women in today's society!
Who is Jo-Ann Finkelstein, the woman behind Sexism and Sensibility?
I’m a clinical psychologist, a mom of two teenagers, a writer, and a feminist.
Why did you decide to write it? What is the story behind it?
I grew up with three brothers and a hefty dose of gender bias. My parents, while extremely loving, had some definite ideas about femininity that felt really limiting to me. One example that has become family lore, is that I asked for a hockey stick like my brothers all had (we grew up in Canada after all) and much to my disappointment, I got a pink one! When I pushed back or got upset about the differences I noticed, my parents insisted they didn’t treat the boys and me differently, or that I was being too sensitive or dramatic -- classic comments I now know girls and women hear A LOT. So, I struggled to hide my feelings to avoid criticism.
It wasn’t until I was doing a Master’s degree at Harvard that I began to more deeply understand my experience. I mentioned in a paper for my developmental psychology class that I’d been accused of overreacting when I felt demeaned. The professor scribbled in the margin, “That’s what people say to talk girls out of their feelings!” It was such a validating moment for me. My story is every girl’s story. They may not have gotten a pink hockey stick, but they did get messages that made them feel unseen, unheard, and not taken seriously.
Listening to girls and women for the last 24 years in my private practice, there was so much evidence that it wasn’t just me who was impacted by gender bias and sexism growing up. I’ve witnessed just how harmful it is to my patients’ sense of self and their sense of potential. These seemingly tiny psychological paper cuts accumulate, becoming festering wounds of self-doubt. So I wrote this book to offer parents deeper awareness and the tools both to fight against the biases they might not even recognize they’re bringing into their homes, and to help their daughters with the sexism they’ll experience out in the world. Rather than inadvertently diminishing our daughters, I show parents how to empower them and help them understand their full potential, feelings and all!
What has been your biggest learning since you started?
Every single aspect of this process has taught me a lot. I learned more about this topic I’m passionate about, I learned who I am as a writer, and I learned so much about the nutty, intense publishing process. But maybe the biggest learning has been around putting myself out there. I’m comfortable sitting one-on-one with patients in a room or going out for dinner with friends or my family. I don’t relish being on social media or promoting my work. I’m a bit of an introvert but I also think it’s the conditioning I’ve grown up with as a female – to be modest about my accomplishments and authority, to be quiet and not take up a lot of space. I desperately want the work (my book) to stand on its own. But that’s unrealistic. Most books do not get seen by many people without a ton of work to find your readers. The incredible feedback I’ve gotten from early readers and now the reviews has allowed me to tap into the fire I felt while writing the book, and to put that toward finding the readers out there who also want to change the world for girls. I’m not heading down Influencer Path any time soon, but I am having more fun with the growing community on my Instagram, Tiktok and my Substack newsletter.
What is the goal? The big vision of what you would like to achieve?
One reviewer called the book “a roadmap to heal ourselves and liberate our kids” and I think that sums up my hopes for Sexism & Sensibility perfectly. I wrote the book for parents to help them get in front of sexism before their daughters internalized those messages to a harmful extent. But I also hoped it would resonate deeply with the women who read it because they were once girls. And it’s not like we suddenly shed all of those messages the day we turned 18--we’re still confronted with so many shitty attitudes and behavior every day. I really believe that we can help dismantle the patriarchy on a micro level, through parenting our girls to have strong voices and a healthy sense of entitlement.
And now, our feminist questionnaire
What is Feminism for you?
For me, feminism is about believing in the fundamental equality of all people and actively working towards that ideal. It’s about understanding that gender should be the least defining aspect of who we are and rejecting a capitalist culture that enforces rigid binaries for its own gain.
Which “everyday sexism” really bothers you?
Being interrupted or talked over! I think that’s the one that has had the biggest effect on me. It’s taken a lifetime to really own my voice and believe I have something worthwhile to contribute. And I think that’s true for so many girls.
Do you remember when you start identifying as a Feminist and why?
Not totally. I always wonder whether I identified as a feminist in college and regret that I didn’t major in Women’s Studies. I think reading Carol Gilligan’s In a Different Voice and then going to study with her for my Master’s degree had a profound effect on me. That program was ahead of its time in terms of DEI and I think it solidified my feminism.
Who is your biggest feminist role model?
Growing up it was Gloria Steinem. I met her one time as an adult and told her she basically brought me up. I’m pretty sure she took a couple steps backwards and put a hex on me.
What is your favourite Feminist quote?
"For the master's tools will never dismantle the master's house. They may allow us temporarily to beat him at his own game, but they will never enable us to bring about genuine change. And this fact is only threatening to those women who still define the master's house as their only source of support."–Audre Lorde
What is your proud feminist victory?
Bringing up a confident daughter, and a daughter and a son who understand the machinations of the patriarchy.
What is your feminist recommendation?
- Book: Backlashby Susan Faludi (still relevant today sadly) and We Should All Be Feminists by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie (in part because you can pass this tiny 64-page book/essay onto your teenage daughter when you’re done)
- tv show: Better Things!!
- Film: I’ll pick two that are both great for adults and to watch with the girls in their life. Little Women (2019)and On the Basis of Sex (2018)
What is your feminist call of action to whoever is reading?
Talk openly about gender bias and sexism with your kids. There is a way to prepare, not scare, our daughters!
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